My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
