when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
