so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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