I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
