No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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