he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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