college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just invented taco cereal.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
