Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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