I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize