I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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