Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
