I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
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