Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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