I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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