You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize