That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
