You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if only i could text you this smell
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
