You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
