Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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