I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
