I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
