I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
