Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
