The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
