just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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