My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
