so let's talk penis.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize