OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
