i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
