you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
