ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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