I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this will be a night to untag.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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