Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
