I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
