We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
