i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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