im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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