I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
