I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
