It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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