Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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