Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
tell me about the eggs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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