Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
