I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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