I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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