worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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