Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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