i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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