his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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