So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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