he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
