We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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