i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I could fuck to npr.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize