im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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