You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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