I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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