I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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