When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
