I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
