Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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