the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
