with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
