ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize