I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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