Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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