You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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