I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
