Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
